


A Man's Greatest Treasure

by ArielSakura



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Innuendo, Misunderstandings, Sexual Humor, Size Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22801669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArielSakura/pseuds/ArielSakura
Summary: "Wit beyond measure is a man's greatest treasure" - Rowena's motto has more meaning beyond what meets the eye. Good thing she only confided the 'true' meaning to Helga - because this way, neither Godric nor Salazar are in the know about what the two founders are REALLY saying the morning after Helga's date.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 89
Collections: Love Fest 2020





	A Man's Greatest Treasure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [noxsoulmate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noxsoulmate/gifts).



> This was inspired by this tumblr post by foliaedeuxover:
> 
> And after a discussion with friends, I knew I just had to write it! XD

Helga shut the door to her quarters gently behind her as she made her way to the Great Hall. She smiled and greeted the few students she met along the way by name, even as her thoughts strayed to the disappointing night she had experienced. 

Was it too much to ask that she was able to find a consort she liked? One that could hold her attention? Could keep up with her intellectually, had compassion for plants and creatures and was also well hung?

She entered the Great Hall with a dissatisfied sigh and made her way up to the dias where her three companions sat. Godric and Salazar were already bickering and Helga wasn’t sure she wanted to get between them again. Well… not like that, perhaps another way. A way she only let herself imagine when it was three in the morning and her usual aids for inducing sleepy repose hadn’t worked. 

“Good morning,” she said to Rowena, smiling at her as she sat in her place between her and Godric.

Rowena liked sitting on the end of the table for she often brought her students marking with her to breakfast. For as brilliant as her treasured friend was, Rowena’s time management skills left quite a lot to be desired. She was often late to important meetings, often put off more mundane tasks - like the aforementioned marking - to pursue other interests, like esoteric magics written in languages few could read and fewer still could understand. Well, it was often a toss up between the study of such fields and writing erotica about historical figures when she discovered they had lived at the same time or within miles of each other. 

“Morning,” said Rowena, without looking up from her papers as she waved her wand to butter a piece of toast. 

Helga sighed and plucked the toast from the air, ignoring Rowena’s protest, she placed a few slithers of cooked ham, an egg and some cheese, before covering it in the sweet-yet-savoury brown sauce the house-elves had recently invented and covering it with another slice of toast she handed it to Rowena. 

“You need far better than a single slice of buttered toast, my love.”  Helga said reproachfully, as Rowena rolled her eyes and grabbed the sandwich. 

“Oh!” Rowena gasped. Her eyes widening with excitement as she fully registered her friends presence. “Last night, do share! Did you meet him? Did you see his wit? Was it as glorious as we had imagined?”

Resisting the snort that wanted to come forth from her friends borrowed pun, Helga sighed heavily, elbow resting on the table she let her chin fall into her hand. “It left MUCH to be desired.”

Rowena made a wounded sound of disappointment, before returning to her marking, Helga peeked at the parchment for the name and was at least somewhat satisfied her friend hadn’t left it  _ all _ for this morning when she saw the name ‘Emyrs’ scrawled along the top. Rowena liked to leave the best for last, said it gave her hope not all their students were doomed.

Helga didn’t quite share Rowena’s views, but she also didn’t hold the exacting standards her friend enforced upon her pupils.

“What’s this I hear?” came Godric’s brash voice and Helga turned toward him, noting Salazar was also watching her intently. “Did you have a date last night, HellyBelly?” His grin was wide and teasing.

“I did, that Dougal Selwyn who frequents the little pub Bob Ogden setup over the way,” she replied. 

“Doug? He seems a good enough sort, if a bit dry, but surely a decent wit isn’t the only thing you’re looking for in a partner?”

Helga spooned some sugar into her tea, “It was hardly decent, lacking entirely would be more accurate.”

Rowena gasped and then slapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes shining at the juicy gossip. Helga rose an eyebrow at her and Rowena rose a sarcastic one in return. Helga nodded, satisfied that it wouldn’t leave the table. She knew Rowena, nor her other two friends, would ever do such a thing, they kept each other’s confidences after all - even if Salazar and Godric were out of this particular loop - but it never hurt to remind, or be reminded, of that fact. 

“Surely you need more than a single date to determine him a match or not before writing him off for good though?” Salazar asked, “You never know, he might grow on you.”

Helga’s shoulders slumped and she pouted for Rowena’s sake, she did enjoy making her friend laugh, she was too serious sometimes. “If only he had,” she said mournfully, “I would have climbed him like a tree.”

Rowena snorted into her teacup, hastily having to blot a couple of papers when warm tea flew about the place. 

“Well, I think you’re being far too picky so early on,” Godric opined, “You don’t know what you're missing out on if you throw them away so fast! What if he had a really big one, you know? You could be missing out.” He winked at her even as he jostled her with his elbow. 

Salazar made a derisive sound, “Please Godric, have some tact, as if Helga cares one whit about the size of a man’s equipment. If she wants to be discerning, then she should be. She’ll either find what she’s looking for eventually or die an old maid, and either scenario has nothing to do with us. Now, about that idea you had for making Creaothceann safer for the students-”

Salazar was unable to finish his sentence as it was at that point that Rowena had lost all composure. Her loud, cackle echoed through the Great Hall and the students paused in their breakfast activities in time to see her slip from her chair and onto the floor. 

“What in Circe’s name?” Godric asked, as he leant back in his chair to peer behind Helga. 

Helga herself looked down at her friend fondly, watching as she beat the floor with one fist, tears streaming from her eyes. 

“That’s _it!_ ” Salazar exclaimed, “I’m putting sleep wards around her chambers! No more ‘just one more chapter’ no more staying up all hours of the night! This lack of sleep is making her hysterical!” 

~ fin ~

**Author's Note:**

> *Creaothceann - was an old Scottish sport said to be one of the precursors to Quidditch
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this!! It was a lot of fun to write!! XD
> 
> Love and muses!  
> Ariel


End file.
